LeighMo's bit of heaven (or hell)

That last weekend for summer-ness is upon us. I find myself, as I seem to do on every holiday, kidless. It just works out that way, with our alternating weekend schedule. I save my 'oh, hell no's' for the important ones...Turkey Day, Christmas day, ones like that.

But still...being single while knowing mainly married couples presents a sort of challenge. Naturally, being happily married, they like to spend time together (go figure, when I was married that didn't happen much without complaining....), so their respective families have fun things to do....swimming, going on trips, picnics and the like. At night, they want to again spend time with their families. Once in a while I can twist the arm of a married friend to shoot some pool with me, or partake in a brew or two, but it is usually done in haste, so the hubby can be gone home to. And that is fine...I remember those days. I think my divorce motivated more than a few friends to re-examine the quality of their own marriages, and I've seen more than one couple make efforts to remain close. Good for them.

That still leaves me with too much free time and not enough to fill it. So, I sleep. Or, I clean and organize things that don't need to be organized, before I sleep again. I go out, alone once in awhile, to see couples everywhere I look, and begin to wonder what is fundamentally flawed with me that I can not attain the same thing. Then I come back home and .....you guessed it....sleep.

I have began to wonder if I am one of those people who will have a string of relationships, each one better than the previous, yet not destined to be life long. Perhaps I am meant to touch many lives, to show each person a side of humanity they have not previously seen. I have come to understand that people enter and exit my life for a reason, and when it is time for them to go it is because I have learned what I need from them and vice versa. I am on speaking terms with most of my exes, and am fairly close to more than one of them now.

As for the rest of this holiday weekend, I will use it for R and R. Whether or not that is solitary time or I find someone with whom I can fill it, I will enjoy the sun and the warm and the quiet before we return to the pace of school-day life. This will go down as a great summer for me, not only for the extra time I got to spend with the kids (unemployed, but whatever) but because I have come to terms with aspects of my life and my role in this wacky game of life. I met an amazing person, who I can see being a lifelong friend if nothing more, and I was able to settle closer to civilization than I have in a decade.

Besides, the leaves are changing! My favorite time of year is autumn, and if its as warm as I suspect it will be, bonus for me and my digital camera!