LeighMo's bit of heaven (or hell)

Been a busy week thus far, and shall only proceed to become busier as we creep closer to that for which we all yearn....WEEKEND!!!

I actually have something exciting happening for a change. I'm leaving in the wee (4a.m.) hours of Friday morning and flying to Detroit, then to Maryland. I have never been on a plane. I have never been out of Michigan, save Ohio (and lets face it...it ain't much different). I have never traveled anywhere alone, without the kids (unless we count grocery stores, court hearings, or gynecologists appointments traveling.) I am looking forward to it, being but a speck on the busy canvas of humanity. I like to observe people...it is amazing what one can learn from another simply by watching how they act when they don't think they are under a microscope.

I'm hoping the weather out that way is nice and warm and seasonal...Maryland is just a hop, skip, and a jump away from Virginia (my place de birth..) and it was almost 90 degrees in the end of March the year I was born. I'm taking the flip flops just in case, along with a wool coat. Be prepared, thats my motto.

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I finished my first SEO-ing job, have another lined up already, have to put a payment portal on a site I created last month, and work on a graphic for that as well. That all right there is about $600. WTF? $600?? And that is actually working 'cheap', since I charge about $20 an hour due to my limited portfolio. Which is becoming a little more unlimited....I think I deserve a raise ;0)

I am finally getting a tablet. I found a barely used one for $50; these things retail for about 300+ bucks. Should make editing much easier (laptop mice are soooo touchy), and just in general creation easier. I almost wept when I got an email telling me someone had one. I am all about Craigslist these days, yo.

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Anything else....its an old friend's birthday today. http://annstorer.com She is an amazing artist, in both the classical sense and the digital sense, and I absolutely love her work. I was glad when I found her online, because as talented as she was back in the day she had little confidence in it. Its good to see that she kept at it, but has also undertaken new methods of creativity. So, stop on over there, see what she spins, and wish her a happy day!!

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For boring randomness, I have $17 left on a CVS pharmacy store gift card. I'm thinking some new make up is in order, perhaps something organize-y so I can look all official and business-y when I meet with clients. Or maybe I'll blow it all on a bag of Verona whole bean Starbucks coffee. *sniffs deeply* Whatever I do with it, I'm not buying t.p. and milk, that is for sure ;0)

I'm getting paid to blog!! Here is a new one....http://extremewalls.blogspot.com

This is the company for which I am doing optimization, and one of my 'services' is setting up and posting to a blog. Basically just to get the link out there, and get followers, who may turn into customers (who has a messy garage........?)

So, check it out, follow if you are so inclined, and visit the website frequently!!

Well, its been a long week. Started last Sunday, with hearing the moving news. I accept it, half the time I really truly believe that at some point I will have the blessings of at least the court to relocate, or that my ex husband will let me have them so they see some of the world, have more chances than are available around here. I won't though, he is too selfish.

I don't feel abandoned, not really. He says he wants me to come, and I believe him. Its more like I've realized something, particularly this time around....I am not meant to find one person. I have yet to find anyone that can stick with me and not be miserable. The happy ones go their ways on good terms with me (which is fine, having bosem buds is great). The one that did stick around the longest was miserable the whole time, though.

I'm kind of numb though, particularly when a week before he decided to move I told him he didn't have to go solo anymore. I wanted him to know that I am here to help, work toward the same goals and whatnot. Instead, he's heading out on his own.

I am so tired of this part. The watching the door shut, seeing the backside of people. How can people care so deeply for one another, let people in over and over again and just have it be a complete waste of energy?

If the long distance thing ends up not working out, I think I am done. For good. It is my role in life to make others feel loved, show them what I am as a person, for them to take with them as they continue. I am happy single, I do not need a relationship to define me; but I am social, I am a nurturer, and I am out of sorts in a way if there is no one for whom I can care.

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I heard from another company with whom I'd interviewed that I don't quite have what they need. Thanks, but no dice. After driving one hour to talk, then spending two hours talking and touring, and another hour home. I still haven't heard from the Kalamazoo guy, but like they say, why do on Friday what you can put off until Monday?

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I'm kind of in a mood towards the ex today, too. Seems that someone from PR passed away today. I heard a few years ago he'd had a brain tumor and got through that; it came back, and after putting up a fight, he succumbed earlier today. He leaves a wife and two little girls. I was not friends with him, but in that small of an environment you knew everyone, just the same, and their families and their in law families, etc. So I feel for everyone 'back home' who is seeing this first hand.

My ex husband has been in remission for two years. As soon as he was 'better', we split. This is the time of year the shit hit the fan, two years ago, and it seems to be a hard time of year for me since then. I suppose that is selfish of me, I wasn't the sick one and I wasn't the one who thought I might die, I didn't lose body parts. And yet, hearing that this other young man (30) lost his battle, and won't have the chance to watch his children grow, or spend the life he thought he would have with his wife, I guess I feel like the old boy just sort of squandered an opportunity.

I hate moods like this, because I know he could never be what I needed, nor I to him, but every now and then I feel very.....cross....with him.
And this is one of those days.

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Good news....end on a happy note, that is my motto. Lets see....I got nothing. Check back tomorrow.