LeighMo's bit of heaven (or hell)

That is right. The Lord has told her that I need to come to him, accept Jesus as my personal savior, so that I shall get into heaven rather than burn in hell, as I am doomed to do. She dropped Connor off today, and the un-brainwashing commences tomorrow.

Oh, and she's happy that my son likes my boyfriend. Sweet. I guess she gave Connor the first degree (most likely to prove that I'm fornicating or something), and he told her about the trip to the lake where Mr. Inc accompanied us.

Back to the former....a little history. On the night my nephew was born ten weeks premature, I told God I was sorry for blaming him for the evils that plagued my childhood. I said I forgave him for taking my first baby away, because I knew that we weren't ready for it, and when He felt we were, we would be waiting. I plead for him to keep my new nephew safe, and to allow him to get stronger, and give his parents strength while they waited out the night (they weren't sure if the baby would make it.)

I was filled with such a peace at thinking those words, I began to cry. It was as if there was a warmth coming from me, that I had never felt before, and I knew that God had heard me. We understood each other, I believe, for the first time since I was little. He realized that I'd turned away because I thought he allowed people to hurt me, and I understood for the first time that he does not always have the power to stop evil people. I was saved that night, my nephew is now 11 years old, and about two weeks later I got pregnant with son the eldest.

I have explained this in great detail to the former in laws, on several occasions. They think I'm well intended, but still not getting it, because I didn't recite the exact prayer that was written in the Left Behind series. And, because I don't go to church with them. More specifically, I refuse to attend any church they do, and say that whatever they believe is absolutely correct where what I believe is pretty much bullshit.

I have gone so far as to say I have prayed over whether or not I should attend any church they attend, and usually when I consult the bible and do a random open and read, I get something to the effect of 'beware of wolves in sheeps clothing' and to be wary of teachings that fly in the face of what Jesus stood for. The ex inlaws like churches that tell their congregations that They are the only ones good enough to make it into heaven, that anyone who doesn't believe exactly as they do need to see the error of their ways and get with the program, or hear 'I told you so' while burning in a lake of fire for all eternity.

What really turned me off to even thinking about seeking spiritual enlightenment with them was when I found out the ex mom in law had formed a prayer group at one church, and the sole purpose of this group was to pray for bad things to keep happening to the ex-husband (her son, remember!) until he either married the girlfriend or stopped living with her (we weren't even divorced then). That literally made me nauseous when I heard about that; where did Jesus ever say 'pray for people to suffer until they do what you would like!' I stopped letting them take my kids to that church, as well, for the same reason.

I don't go to church because I have yet to find one that doesn't at some point start falling victim to the power struggles and getting caught up in the trappings of humankind. My own uncle is a minister, and I don't go to his church because most of the congregation make fun of him behind his back and argue out loud about how the place is decorated. WTF?? I'd rather take the kids on a nature walk, pointing out the wonderous things God created, and answering any questions they have as best I can. I don't think all churches are like this, just the ones I ask about and hear about and attempt to visit.

I long to point out the hypocrisy of the former in laws, that they are intolerant and judgmental and just as caught up in the world as I am, just in different ways (hello, they have like 1000 movies and DVDs! I love my computer, they love the boob tube.) That rather than help their son and his family, they sat by and charged us to fill water buckets from their taps when we didn't have running water. but I know it would do no good. I've thought about reciting the sinner's prayer in front of them, but then remember that it really isn't any of their business to determine whether I'm 'good enough' to get into heaven or not, or whether God and I have a good relationship. I'm not a kisser and a teller, never have been. Last I checked, that job fell to the big G in the sky, and according to him, I'm to stay as far away from these people as I can. He tells me by giving me a divine migraine whenever I must deal with them.