LeighMo's bit of heaven (or hell)

I brought a bit of a reality check to someone today. Long overdue, perhaps. Actually, there are a few points:

1. I have completely, irrevocably, and undeniably had it with my ex-hubby's parental units. Seems that while son the eldest was away at their place for a week long 'holiday from his mom and siblings, which he NEEDS (their words), they had lots of questions for him and things that he had to know. They wanted to know, in detail, about any 'man friends' I may have brought around. Son the eldest tells them about Mr. Inc, and our jaunt to the lake, but since they had it in their heads my front door is of the revolving nature, they kept plugging away at the poor boy. 'Does Mom ever have other friends come over?' Did Mr. Inc stay the night with her when you guys all went to the lake?' Now, I've raised me a good boy, and he told them nothing but the truth....he rode in the car, bought us lunch, tossed the boys in the waves for a few hours, then promptly got in his car and left when we got back, because he had work to do. Which was, of course, true. Oh, and he gave Mommy a hug. Which he did. They also felt the need to inform my son (9 year old son) that 'your mom doesn't know Jesus, and she is going to go to hell if she doesn't accept him and start living the way he wants her to.' My son had two nervous breakdowns yesterday, and I believe they were caused in part by a feeling of tension, conflicting loyalty (he wanted to tell her she was wrong, but he knows you don't argue with Gramma), and being confused because he couldn't figure out if he had done anything wrong by answering their questions and not standing up for me. I held that boy while he sobbed for half an hour, the whole time wishing I could have five minutes alone with them.

So, part one of my wake up call is this: these people no longer deserve to have a part in my children's lives. And I am not going to put them through it again. From the way he reacted, I know he wasn't making it up. There was no put-on drama or crocodile tears; the kid was literally sobbing with his whole body. I have told them several times in the past if they have something to say to me or want to know something to ask ME directly, and not try to whittle it out of my son. They respect no one and care about no one, and I will extend them the same courtesy where my kids are concerned.

Part Two of the wake up call.....I informed the ex that there is a possibility that I might move out of state at some point. 'What? I thought we were going to live a few blocks away from each other for the rest of our lives?!' Dear, sweet ex-hubby....he suffers from these delusions where he believes if he thinks something is true, it will be so. I explained that I am not going to be content living as I am now forever, so my kids can wind up where we are because there is no chance to sustain let alone better themselves. That while I enjoy the once a week conversations with him, I'm not going to live a few blocks away forever, knowing that in the future he's going to be getting married and living the happy fam life with another woman and my children. He asked me if the guy I'm seeing has anything to do with this, and I said a little....because I see how people thrive and succeed when they step out of their comfort zones and spread their wings and let the winds carry them where they need to be. I told him the hardest thing I ever had to accept was that he wasn't 'mine' anymore, and to let him go and be happy for what he has now. He said he's still working on accepting that. He never was a 'get out of the comfort zone' kind of fellow, the ex; we stayed married as long as we did because he was afraid to NOT be married. I told him I want to have a chance to provide for the kids, to see more of the world and experience new places. He was a little shocked, I think. When I look back now, I see how different we were....I was always trying to rush ahead, down new paths, and he was holding the reins, wanting to move slowly and stay right where he felt safe. Neither of us is wrong, we are just different.

Wake up call #3: During his breakdown yesterday, son the eldest revealed that he wants to spend more time with his Dad. That had been weighing on his mind, as well; wanting to tell me that, but being afraid it would hurt me if he told me that. My son is always hugging me, and saying he loves me, and I know he's doing it so I know I'm loved and feel happy. He has such a big heart. I told him I know he misses his Dad, and thats okay. Its okay, too, to want to stay with him more so he can see him more than a few days every other weekend. We hadn't mentioned to the kids about our plan to split custody more equally, and once I told him that he felt better. Kids see the world in black and white still; the gray areas have yet to emerge, and to him wanting to live with Dad must equal not wanting to live with Mom, which wasn't true, but he feared that is what I would think and it would make me sad. So, he does what all the good M***n men do, and internalize until it comes seething out as anger or a nervous breakdown.

I'm thinking the kid could use a counselor, maybe one session a week would suffice.

I could use a calgon moment followed by an eighteen hour nap. Its been one eff of a draining weekend!!