LeighMo's bit of heaven (or hell)

I love politics. I abhor most politicians, but I do so love to follow their rhetoric, point out the hypocrisies and flaws in their logic. Occasionally, I even find one behind whom I can rally, such as he who should have been president, Senators Gore and Kerry (gawd, I loved Kerry.)

I think what draws me to it is the potential power within them to aid 'the people', make life better for the masses. With their pen, they can change lives. With a swish of the wrist, they can put ideas into play. Sometimes, they are the guiding force in life.

Why is it, then, that politicians seldom do what is in the best interest of the people? There is a sort of discrepancy when it comes to the term 'leadership by representation'. Some say a representative should act in accordance with the wishes of those he or she literally represents; other say he or she has the final say in matters on behalf of constituents, regardless of what they actually want. Perhaps if that definition was finalized once and for all, we might get somewhere.

I have kept myself out of the political hoopla this year. I just can't take it again. So depressed was I in '04, I literally sat on my couch bawling sporadically when I would remember that the idiot in chief would not be vacating in '05. I have not watched a speech during the last four years. I get heartburn, see, and hurl things at the TV.

Because I have stayed relatively objective this year, I found this email quite entertaining. By the end of it I was almost in tears, because whomever wrote it did a damned fine job of getting the best one liners and general tone dead on for each of those it parodies. I hope at the least it makes you chuckle, and remember that there are still people out there who can remain objective and have a sense of humor at the same time.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?


> BARACK OBAMA:
> The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a
> CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!
>
> JOHN McCAIN:
> My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he
> recognized the need to engage in operation and dialogue with
> all the chickens on the other side of the road.
>
> HILLARY CLINTON:
> When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little
> chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely
> qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every
> chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross
> the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......
>
> DR. PHIL:
> The problem we have here is that this chicken won't
> realize that he must first deal with the problem on
> 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the
> problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we
> need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by
> not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding
> 'NEW' problems.
>
> OPRAH:
> Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems,
> which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead
> of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take
> falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this
> chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and
> not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
>
> GEORGE W. BUSH:
> We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.
> We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the
> road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us.
> There is no middle ground here.
>
> COLIN POWELL:
> Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
> satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
>
> ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
> We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have
> not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the
> road.
>
> JOHN KERRY:
> Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am
> now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was
> misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it
> now, and will remain against it.
>
> NANCY GRACE:
> That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You
> can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
>
> PAT BUCHANAN:
> To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
>
> MARTHA STEWART:
> No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was
> going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to
> sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No
> little bird gave me any insider information.
>
> DR SEUSS:
> Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a
> toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed
> I've not been told.
>
> ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
> To die in the rain. Alone.
>
> JERRY FALWELL:
> Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the
> plain truth?' That's why they call it the 'other
> side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you
> eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott
> all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
> liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases
> like 'the other side. hat chicken should not be crossing
> the road It's as plain and as simple as that.
>
> GRANDPA:
> In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
> road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and
> that was good enough.
>
> BARBARA WALTERS:
> Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
> listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart
> warming story of how it experienced a serious case of
> molting, and went on to accomplish its life- long dream of
> crossing the road.
>
> JOHN LENNON:
> Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
> together, in peace.
>
> BILL GATES:
> I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only
> cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
> documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is
> an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much
> more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% .........
> reboot.
>
> ALBERT EINSTEIN:
> Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move
> beneath the chicken?
>
> BILL CLINTON:
> I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your
> definition of chicken?
>
> AL GORE:
> I invented the chicken!
>
> COLONEL SANDERS:
> Did I miss one?
>
> DICK CHENEY:
> Where's my gun?
>
> AL SHARPTON:
> Why are all the chickens white? We need some black
> chickens.