LeighMo's bit of heaven (or hell)

I tend to write blogs in the morning simply to get my mind engaged so I don't go back to sleep. Particularly when I've only slept for three hours. Given that I am once again debating whether or not to try Yahoo! personals, I think it is only fair to take a look at some of the great moments in my dabblings with online dating.

First profile...I dive in completely, listing all sorts of information such as exactly where I work, pictures of me and my boogs (just being upfront), blah blah blah. Profile is searchable so it shows up when dudes run a search. Yay me! I think, I'm just about as cool as shredded cheese.

Takes about 28 hours before people who are 50, 60+ years old are sending me emails, wanting to know if I would be interested in meeting and possibly discussing setting a date for marriage. Clearly listed in my profile is the fact that I am seeking dudes between 25 and 30 (I likes 'em younger). Also clearly explained is that I simply want to meet people, have someone with whom I can get to know and spend time, that I am seperated but not finalized as far as divorce goes.

Then I notice one man from Big Rapids is looking at my profile three times a day. I start to see him sitting at the coffee shop tables, doing homework and reading. He never gets a hold of my on Yahoo, but he comes by the coffee shop a few times a day. I send him a message saying either you are really shy, or you are a stalker. Either talk to me or stay away, but I'm uncomfortable with the way you are acting. I delete profile.

Take #2. I create another profile, this time leaving out sensitive personal info. No pics of the kids, although I do list that I have children part time. A fellow we'll call Jared decides to get in touch with me. Nice guy, works a lot, good good. We talk on the phone a bit, set up a date, all is going along swimmingly.

I abhor lying. Living with a pathological one for a long time does that. I asked him at one point if he had a myspace, and he said no, he didn't mess around with that stuff. Fine. Two days before I was to meet him in person, I find his myspace page. Where he all but advertises himself as central Michigan's premiere Weed destination (I'd also told him I will not mess with people who are into pot). I send him an email, telling him about the misrepresentations I'd caught him in, and told him to not contact me again. Its been a year and so far he has not. When will people learn....I have taken extensive training in search engine optimization....if there is something out there, I WILL find it. Sheesh. Delete profile, swearing to never bother with it again.

I didn't, until I was sent an email with Eric's (ex-bf) profile. In order to get in touch with him, I had to create a profile (bastards). So I did, noting that there is indeed a feature that allows me to 'hide' mine from searches and remain hidden until I contact someone. I like that much better; I'll pick you, thanks, and take myself off the 'Barbie on the Shelf' thing. I emailed him, he emailed back, we met in person and dated for six months. Circumstances beyond our control (and my desire to remain a person that does not cheat) led to our parting ways, but the experience with him was relatively positive and I was able to learn a few of the finer points of internet dating, such as:

1. Hide my profile. I seriously get creeped out at the thought of other people in whom I have no interest reading my information. Same as in the real world. If I am not interested in someone, because of his personality, demeanor, or actions, I get very uncomfortable if he makes overt advances on me. I like to be the one to give people permission to approach me (wierd as it sounds, it is totally true.) Letting people I am interested in see my profile, and no one else, cuts down on that anxiety a bit.

2. Be as honest as possible. I tell people upfront I have kids, I'm divorced, that I was married 12 years of my 31, that I can not have any more kids, that one of my kids is differently abled, that I get along swimmingly with my ex husband, and that I really have no tolerance of the Republican Party. This saves my time as well as other peoples. I see no reason to do aimless flirting if the end result is going to be on the first or second date some dude going 'oh, but I want to have kids someday' or he says 'I have a life size cutout of GWB to which I bow.' Neither scenario is going to work out in the long run for either of us, and time is precious these days.

3. Apologize profusely for the lack of photogenicness. I use the 'caption' button to say things like 'my nose REALLY isn't this big', or 'I was being a complete dork when I took this'. I seriously can not take a good shot to save my life, and until Ashleigh the wonder soon to be sister in law has more than two hours of free time, I have to take my own pictures.

That isn't to say I haven't had some good experiences, too. Meeting Eric was one. Another was finding a profile that literally had me in tears because it was so funny. I emailed him just to say 'omg, you are hilarious!' and we struck up a myspace friendship because we're both recently divorced, and amuse each other. He lives too far away to pursue anything (we both think that) but finding people with similar outlooks and going through similar things is always nice. His name is Eric, too. When my profile was public I would get emails from random guys, saying 'hey I thought you had a good profile. I want to wish you luck in life, and even though I don't think we'd be a good match reading yours brought a smile to my face and I wanted you to know that'. Maybe they were b.s.ing me, but little things like that make me happy.

So, as I contemplate and ponder whether or not it is time for me to once again fire up the old profile, I wonder what this next round will bring. I know one thing...I'm defintately fitting my email address in somehow, because if yahoo thinks I'm going to pay them $25 a month to talk to people, they have another think coming (I'm thinking myemail at g mail dot com). Take that, you dastardly javascript and/or CGI programming!