LeighMo's bit of heaven (or hell)

I am apparently the first one who comes to mind. At least, to my mother's mind. I have, I suppose, over the last eight or so years convinced myself that mom had gotten over some of her more debilitating phobias and has been functioning as a "normal" person (whatever that means.)

Well, that is not the case. I hadn't realized that in my place, she had put my Grandmother. My 91 year old Grandmother had been living with her for six years, so was always home with her. Went everywhere in the car with her, unless my step father was accompanying her. For six years, mom has been unknowingly enabling herself, continuing with the phobias and behaviors that kept her locked up for so many years.

She called me yesterday, saying Grannie had been moved out. My uncle and an aunt come up at 8 in the morning, tossed my Gran's stuff in the truck, and moved her out lock, stock, barrel in under an hour. Mom was told if she tried to stop or hold my grandmother back, she'd be subject to a police inspection for abused elderly people (my mother has never abused my grandmother, stolen from her, or anything of that nature.) We are not sure what has motivated the aunt and uncle (brother and sister, not husband and wife) to come do an early morning snatcheroo; either Grannie has been telling tales in her evergrowing state of delirium, or somebody recently took out a life insurance and policy and realized that at 90+ years of age, no one would question an elderly woman going to sleep for good. I trust none of those people, and am not happy with the turmoil they have caused my mother and sister, both of whom do not handle change well.

So, my mother wants me to move in with her. So she won't have to face being alone for any period of the day, so she can have a traveling companion. She knows I hate living out in the BFE. She knows I have no desire to go to Cadillac. She knows that I can't be around her for more than a few hours before we both start to bristle around each other. But she is scared, scared because she is still held in fear of being isolated, being without help if an emergency happens.

I was preparing to tell her that my kids are moving in with their Dad, and that I am preparing to move to Grand Rapids, but I think I should hold back for awhile. The thought that I might come to her rescue seems to be keeping her grounded; I think she knows it won't happen, but she is hanging on to a maybe because I can't tell her outloud that I won't do it.

She doesn't expect my brother to do it, but then again, I was the one was there for her when all of this stuff started, some 15/16 years ago. I don't know how well my step dad will handle this, either; he has been sheltered from it, for the most part, because my brother was always around until my grandmother moved in, so I don't think he really understands the nuances of her phobias, how restrictive her life can become.

Am I bad, then, because I have yet to run up there? My suggestion to her was to find a therapy group; I know they exist. She just wants more meds and someone else to take the place of my grandmother.

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I got laid off last week, so there goes the eight bucks an hour to do not much work. I have to admit, it was getting old, being stuck at home five hours a night with nothing to do. I am looking in both BR and GR, figuring wherever I find work first will be where I hang my hat, at least most of the time. Nate wants me to move in with him after the first, but I'd rather be able to pay my way before I do that. I think he gets why, even if he thinks it doesn't make much sense. I will not be kept, whether real or imagined again, and living somewhere where I can't say I've paid my own way is what that would feel like. It is weird still, being with someone who is more of a giver than a taker, and since we're both givers and not used to that dynamic in another we are getting used to it. But he works with me, and I with him, and that is but one of the reasons I love him so.

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My kids are getting excited about Christmas, and about moving in with their dad. I am still not sure how I am going to handle that. One day at a time, I suppose, and try to stay as busy as possible. Bri is excited too, its hard to believe the guy that never changed a diaper or gave a bottle is gung ho at the prospect of caring for all three at a time. Maybe that is what motivated him to ask me......he realized they would have no memories of him caring for them, just as they have few memories of me actually doing anything fun with them (because I'm usually busy taking care of them or cleaning up after them.) Sometimes I still wonder why it was impossible for us to get the whole happy family thing right....we can do it on our own, independently, but together? We'd trip over each other, or fight about how happy families do things, or what anything meant. Gar.